Monday, April 23, 2012

Faith & Unanswered Prayers

For 7 and a half years we were on a journey to become parents. That is a long time and in other ways it went by so fast. The whole time we were praying and trusting that God had a plan and that if we trusted him, he would be glorified. And in that time we realized that meant truly searching our hearts and praying that if the answer to us having kids was no, that we would be ok with that too. Just simply trusting God. Much easier said than done, I know. I remembered a good friend speaking to us when we lived in Spearfish about God putting longings in our heart. I remember praying that if God didn't intend for us to have children that he would lessen the longing or take it from my heart. I think I knew all along that he had a plan for us though. That he meant for Max to be a father. Something that I could see him being amazing at from the day I met him. And as time went on the feeling that I just needed to trust God and let his plans unfold continued to calm my heart and mind.
 I spent the last 7 and a half years trusting God had a plan and that it would be more amazing than anything I could ever dream up. I trusted that every tear, heart ache, and all the ups and downs would be worth it in the end. Sometimes it was easy and sometimes it was hard. There were definitely times when I let fear and doubt take over. After hearing the sermon in church yesterday I couldn't help but thinking that trusting God doesn't mean that we never have our rough days. Or that doubt, sadness, or confusion will never enter our minds. Having faith is trusting that God knows what is best and choosing to trust him, ESPECIALLY when we are feeling that way.
I heard so many times from dear family and friends that once we had our baby in our arms every painful step of the journey would be worth it. And I clung to the words, knowing that they were right and that God would lead me to things greater than my mind could ever fathom. And that is exactly what he did.
I will probably never be able to truly put into words the way I feel when I hold Liam in my arms. From the moment I saw him I knew that he was our son. That God had planned this and made him just for us. I can see how perfectly he was meant to be ours in so many little ways that I can't begin to explain. This is the baby that God has had growing in my heart for the last 7 and a half years. This is the baby I saw in my dreams. When I hold him I feel like I have known him forever.
You have probably heard the saying, "I thank God for unanswered prayers." And I can not begin to explain how thankful I am that I every prayer for pregnancy and for adoption wasn't answered until now. I wouldn't change a single thing that has happened in our past. Liam is our miracle. The baby that God had picked our for us since before the foundations of the Earth were made. Just incredible. Thank you Jesus for this incredible journey and for the gift of our sweet baby boy.
I am always surprised to learn of more and more people that read our blog. So for anyone out there who is on a similar journey or who is experiencing heart break in other areas of your life, I just want to say a few things. Cling to God and trust him with all your heart. It won't make things better, it won't mean that you won't experience pain, hurt, and all those other crappy things. But by trusting him you will know that your journey will glorify him. And that he will take care of you and will never leave your side. Tell him your longings and then trust him to take care of you. Every tear and heartache will be worth it in the end. And if we can be praying for you please send us an email. We will be happy to keep you in our prayers!

1 comment:

  1. Wow! Perfectly said. Although our journey was different from yours in some ways, it also has been very similar. Many of your thoughts, were also mine! :) We too prayed to God for an answer as to what His plan was for us. We knew He had a plan and we needed to trust that in His time He would make it known to us. God is good..every day..every time!
    Bless you and your son. You have been blessed with Liam, and he with you!! <3